Emotional grounding is a coping strategy intended to assure safety and control in the midst of overwhelming emotion like rage, or heart-breaking sadness, or panic. It is simply a stop-gap—a way to detach from emotional pain as quickly and effectively as possible. Rather than processing or understanding emotional responses, the goal of grounding is to provide distraction from intense feelings, focusing outward rather than inward. With practice, grounding can help you safely maintain emotional control in the moment.
When we are in a storm of emotion, or flooded, we are usually unable to access the tools we need to cope with the complex context of the situation. For instance, if we feel panic at a new job, we may be unable to remember that anxiety is a part of change; that it will pass with time and familiarity; and that we are not wholly better or worse than many new employees. In an argument with our partner, feelings of vulnerability and aggression may block our ability to also remember our love for this person, or to remember that our partner may also, in the moment, be unable to access good coping strategies. Knowing to take a break and contemplate a resolution later is important to protecting our personal and professional lives.
Grounding is an active undertaking. In the struggle of feeling either too much (hyper-arousal) or too little (dissociation and numbing), grounding can help us detach and get centered. It provides a way to remember at a critical and difficult moment that pain does not define us—is simply a powerful emotion. If we can know how it feels when we are triggered and also remember that it will pass, we can then hope to have the wisdom to hold steady, stay grounded, and wait . . . wait until our ability to hold the big picture and the nuances of context return to us so we can decide the best course of action. Grounding, then, holds us steady like an anchor, until the big winds and tidal waves of emotion passes.
There are a number of ways to ground yourself, many of which are unobservable to others and therefore available to implement in many different settings, social or work. It is important to explore and practice these techniques in order to build your capabilities, and to find the ones that are most easily accessible and effective.
When to Use Grounding – Preliminary Information & Guidelines
The goal of grounding is to get some distance from difficult and painful feelings. It is, therefore, antithetical to techniques that help you understand and resolve emotional responses.
Subjective Units of Distress, or SUDS, will help you decide if you need to get grounded. On a scale of zero to ten, zero being no emotion and ten being the highest emotion you can imagine, grounding is a good idea with emotional responses that are level six or higher.
First, keeping your eyes open and lights on will help you stay present.
Try to keep focused on the here-and-now, bringing thoughts of the past or future back to the present moment.
Avoid writing in your journal about your negative feelings or talking about them. The goal is to create distance from difficult emotions, not sink deeper into them.
Try to stay neutral avoiding judgmental thoughts and feelings or labeling your grounding focuses as “good” or “bad.”
Different Ways of Grounding
There are generally 3 ways of grounding: physical, mental, and through self-soothing. Notice which methods are the best fit for you, keeping in mind that you can certainly combine them.
Physical grounding focuses on your body and senses (touch, smell, hearing).
Mental grounding focuses on your thoughts.
Soothing involves talking to yourself in a kind and connected way.
Physical Grounding Strategies
Focus on your breathing, Feeling the sensation of inhaling and exhaling: It may he helpful to count or incorporate a word: inhale “calm”, and exhale “stress.” Of the many versions, 4-7-8 Breathing is a good one, created by Dr. Andrew Weil. Based on the yogic technique called pranayama, you follow these steps:
1) Close your mouth and inhale through your nose to a count of four.
2) Hold your breath to the count of seven.
3) Exhale completely through your mouth, making a soft whoosh sound to a count of eight.
Repeat the cycle three to four times. Of course, if you need to change the number counts to accommodate your comfort, do so!
Other ways to ground yourself physically, even in a public place, include:
Go for a walk, and while you are walking, notice your surroundings. Whether in the city or in nature, notice how your body feels, what it feels like when each foot takes a step, and how your body moves.
Open and close your hands, open palm to closed fist. Put your hands in cool or cold or warm water.
Bite into sour food – a lemon or a lime, or even sour candy. Be sure to notice the smell, the flavor, and sensations created.
Stretch your arms or hands. Gently stretch your neck, or if you can, bend and reach for your toes. Focus on the way gentle motion feels in comparison with “still” or “stuck.”
Use aromatherapy: smell an essential oil or lotion and notice whether it makes you feel more alert or relaxed—how it changes and shifts your state.
Carry or wear a grounding object: a ring you can touch, a small rock (worry stone), or charm that you play with and focus on.
If you are alone:
Jump up and down and feel the sensations in your body, and if you are unable to jump, go through the motions, bending your knees, swinging and raising your arms as you lift up to your toes.
Take a shower or a bath, noticing every small detail of the experience.
Lay down on the floor and do a short body scan, noticing all the places your body and the floor connect: the pressure, the sensations. Also notice your breathing as well as any sounds, either inside or out.
Mental Grounding Strategies
Notice things around you by color or by listing the objects you see—textures, weights, categories. Describe your surroundings in detail, and narrate it in your mind, “I am ….. there is…..I hear….”
Read something slowly and annunciate each word, either out loud or mentally.
Count backward from 100 in 3’s or 7’s.
Play mental categorizing games with yourself. Name different words that start with a certain letter, or name dog breeds, or name capital cities, cars, etc.
Do a mental puzzle. For example, combine numbers with the alphabet: 1-A, 2-B, 3-C. Because this strategy utilizes both sides of your brain, it is difficult to think about anything else.
Soothing Grounding Strategies
Pet an animal to improve your mood, lower anxiety, and keep you in the present moment.
Make a cup of tea or hot chocolate, or even coffee. Again, notice every nuance: the process of brewing, mixing or steeping, the aroma, the warmth of the cup in your hand; enjoy and be amazed by the taste.
Remember and recite words to a song or poem. (Be careful that it does not feed into your difficult emotions.)
Say kind words to yourself. Ah-la Tara Brach, place your palm on your heart and say, “Its okay sweetheart.”
Make a list of things that you are looking forward to: taking a walk, time with a friend, going to a park, or eating your favorite snack or meal.
Paint or draw, knit or make art.
Feel free to create your own methods of grounding which may be more effective than any discussed here. And remember that you can use grounding strategies anytime and anywhere. Also remember that this will only work if you actively practice even for five minutes, and then for 10, building to 20 minutes – practice, practice, practice!
As you realize the grounding techniques that work best for you, make a list of them, on paper (post-it-note) or on your phone so that it is easily accessible and available. Also on this list, put a name of one or two trusted people you can call—a family member, a friend, a sponsor, someone who is emotionally supportive and understands your goal to be distracted and centered until the emotional overload passes.
Resource:
Najavits, Lisa M., Seeking Safety (2002)
Steven Hayes, Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life (2005)